05/06/2013

SPORTS ARE GAY

So football's coming back. American football, not the real kind.

I was actually thinking of hopping on board this season. Easing my way into this world by simply watching the games and letting the background drama slowly make its way to me through word of mouth rather than spelunking through Wikipedia.

However, I found out that the first game of the season is already a rematch between the Denver Broncos and last year's Super Bowl champions: the Ravens. But what's the statute of limitations on rematches? Aren't they all rematches? Are there currently two teams in the entire league that haven't ever played each other? Either way, the new season of “Football” probably won't be the best “jumping on” point.

But that's whatever. No one's really talking about football right now anyway. The sport in the limelight these days is basketball. Turns out, no currently active player has ever come out as gay before. But now that Jason Collins has, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!

Or...I guess. Who cares? Is coming out still a big deal? I mean, sure, to him it is. This is a part of himself he felt the need to hide from everyone all of his life. He should be proud and I hope he feels a great weight has been lifted off his chest. But what I'm trying to say is: is coming out still a big deal to anyone else?

I want to hear logical arguments for the disapproval of homosexual behavior but in the same way I'm dying to one day wake up and see a ghost raiding my fridge: I don't believe they exist. Anyone that can convince me otherwise gets a prize. I have very little to give, so it might be a bottle of aspirin or a snapped rubber band, but you take it and you be grateful.

But the moment you bring God into your explanation, you lose. I wouldn't call myself an athiest, but I have trouble believing in any type of god that would have you treat him or her better than his or her “children” (ie: other human beings). So if you want to convince me that it's a good idea to stop consenting adults from loving whoever they want to, however they want to, I'm going to need numbers and immediately verifiable evidence.

I don't feel like I'm saying anything controversial here. I'm not being radical or trying to pretend I'm a better person than I am. I'm a fucking bum and spent the entire day on my couch. I contributed nothing to no one and it was awesome. The only reason I feel the need to even acknowledge this news from last week is because goddamn did it rub some people the wrong way.

Like ESPN analyst Chris Broussard, who inexplicably made the claim that Jason Collins was: “walking in open rebellion to God and to Jesus Christ.”

Whether you agree with that statement or not is irrelevant. It's that it came from an ESPN analyst. The man somehow convinced people to pay him to talk about what it means when the orb goes from one end of the court to the other and how it's going to affect everyone's daily lives in the long run. This guy is notorious for being a hardcore Christian or whatever he is - I didn't really look into it because, again: religion doesn't matter. Otherwise, it's your word against his, or hers, or theirs, or ours, or yours again because sometimes it's just that crazy.

Anyway, I don't have a whole lot to add to the “conversation” (or any conversation, really) except to say that we live in the future...it's high time we started acting like it.

NEXT WEEK: We solve income inequality!

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